Bittersweet day

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Today is a bittersweet day.

It will be my last evening group behind these blue doors.

A place where I have cried and laughed hard the hardest you can imagine.

A place where I have been at the lowest of the low,

But it has built me back up.

Built me up to be a stronger person than I was when I arrived – it does not feel this at all but I know deep down it is true.

It has been my safe place for 2.5 years.

I have made so many friends and met the most incredibly strong people.

I have had the best team behind me to support me, and be there every step of this journey.  And be my shoulder to lean on whenever I need.

The journey that is not by all means over, but is moving on to the next chapter.

Though part of me is glad this chapter is over, there is the hugest part of me that is full of sadness and tears.  SO sad I will not see a majority of these people that have helped me beyond the amount imaginable.

I remember crying on the housekeepers shoulder, for what felt like hours.

I always remember a nurse quoting my tattoo, saying ‘hope’ and fist bumping me every time we passed in the corridor.

I will forever remember my lovely nurse and I singing “if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again” and this is what I always remember when I feel low.

I will always remember the chair in the corner of the waiting area that became mine and my safe space.

When having a panic attack I will remember a therapist telling us over and over “anxiety goes up, it plateaus and comes down – it will not kill you”

I will always remember my therapist saying “don’t hit the f*** it button”, when I feel I am going into self destruct mode.

Without this place and my art therapist, this blog would have no name – she inspired me with balloons, and balloons will never be the same to me again.

There are so many more things I will remember and take from this journey (both happy and sad).

All I want to say to everyone behind the blue doors is:

“Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Each and every one of you has helped me beyond the amount you can imagine, and I will remember you forever.  I am moving on to my next chapter taking all these memories and life tools with me.  I really cannot thank you all enough.”



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You can read more from Emma at her blog, Balloons and the Brain: An insider view of anxiety and depression.

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